Just Write!

Why it is Prevalent Advice

After years of reading blogs and books or listening to podcasts to help my authors there is one common bit of wisdom that writers seem to avoid. It's been in bold, italics, set by itself or so many other ways which are not subtle. Yet, there are writers still following blogs and podcasts or buying books and magazines on "How to Write a Book!"

Let's distill what all of these authorities keep saying, repeatedly:

Just Write

Honestly, it's not easier said than done. It's something you do, without talking about it, thinking about it, planning it, arranging around it or even worrying about it. As a matter of fact, you are not writing a book at this point you are just telling a story. So the mantra is: Write the story. Write the story. Write the story.

Just Write

It's going to be ugly, even monstrous. Your rough draft should be horrible, warty and slimy. It should have so many typos and grammatical errors that your word nerd friends would cringe. It should have plenty of sections which don't make sense or are just plain wrong. You heard me, it should be wrong. Inaccurate descriptions, incorrect information and completely wrong words. 

Just Write

Who cares if you have the right tech? Use the voice memo function of your smart phone to get your ideas out then transcribe the ideas into notepad or word. If you'd like to use software, that's great. Yet don't get stuck on all the functions that you can do with the software, just use it to put something together. Don't get lost outlining, or creating your character sketches, or... , or...

Just Write

Not one published author wrote the perfect book on the first try. They wrote a terrible draft that no one got to see, revised it as best they could - possibly twice, sent it to beta readers, revised it again after getting the betas' feedback, sent it to the content editor, revised with those notes, sent it to the line editor, revised with those notes and finally sent it to the copy editor to format. Mind you some of them even send it to a proofreader before sending a manuscript to their copy editor. Phew!

So why try to do the work ahead of time to write the perfect book when you're going to have to make changes and revisions later on?

Just Write

Let the rest of us worry about making it pretty and ready for public consumption. We just want you to focus on getting a story out. Write the story that's buzzing insistently to get out, write the story which distracts you throughout the day as it flutters back and forth, write the story you need to tell. I want to read it, but I can't if you don't

Just Write

Catching the wave!

Holy Moly!

The last couple of weeks have been filled with one wave of projects after another. And catching each wave at the right time as well as staying on it has been a great challenge. I have learned a lot. About me, about my colleagues and even about my husband. We are definitely moving upward and riding those waves a lot better with every set.

Being part of a team where I get to play with content a bit brings me a little bit of joy. Figuring out how to work through challenges in mindsets and organizing how we communicate on paper or digitally makes me happy as it grows my skills. I am truly grateful for having a place where I have support as I learn different styles of communication.

With that being said, I am missing having words to fuss with. Editing and Formatting for publishing make me happy. So now I need to find at least one more author to keep me busy at home. I am feeling a yearning to write a summary, to play with vocabulary, and to help make a story engaging.

I am ready to catch these waves!

Knocked for a Loop

A good chunk of people come from dysfunctional families. Some of us break out of the cycle and some of us just follow the same path because it is familiar.

I hope that I am one of the ones who have broken out of the cycle of emotional constipation and the cruelty which is born from it.

I've mostly dealt with my childhood traumas and losses, and when I get sucked back into that darkness it doesn't take me long to pull the memory out in its fullness, thank it for the scars and put it back away. (I have found that moving on is a continual process not a one time accomplishment.) But going back to my hometown for my uncle's funeral hit way too many buttons and I am having a harder time thanking anything. Plus there are a few new memories to add to the box.

My plan was to come back, write about meeting the adults I used to babysit or at least change the diapers of, however, I haven't gotten to that part of my coming back home process. 

If you don't know this by now, my mind is always trying to put the puzzle together, no matter what form that puzzle is in. Sometimes I amuse myself because I get distracted by a section which reminds me of something and that rabbit hole leads to a tea party. Sometimes, like this time, the rabbit hole lead to both the Jabberwocky and Bandersnatch.

My "jabberwocky" is thoughtless selfishness. My "bandersnatch" is pride.

When I say thoughtless selfishness I mean when someone doesn't think about a situation other than what they want. For example, I was told several times, (attempted guilt trips), that I don't visit enough or that I disappeared. My response of course was that I haven't had anyone visit me at all and they are always welcome. Here is how this is both thoughtless and selfish. I am expected to make the effort to reach out regardless of my situation. No one thought about or remembers the fact that my family was almost homeless, that we were destitute for quite some time, or that when we were in town they were busy. (BTW I am VERY grateful and humbled that my support system came in the form of good friends who became family. They were my life boat and I hope I can repay that.) I could jab at this Jabberwocky with hurt and resentment, throwing  all the trials and tribulations at the snapping jaws of this beast. This would only lead to both of us continuing to battle in a bloody war. Or I can forge a vorpal sword of forgiveness as well as gentle darts of reminders that my door is always open and my phone is always available. The forging of this magical weapon is tough and laborious, yet the undertaking is worth the sweat and tears. I am working on it still.

Pride is tricky. Of course we all want to be proud of our accomplishments. We want to hold our heads high and acknowledge that we are worth... something. Most of the time with families it goes a bit too far. This leads us as individuals unable to ask for help or share our struggles. This bandersnatch led to a big ugly pile of resentment when it came to my uncle's death. His wife & children didn't want to use the D word when talking to the rest of the family about his illness, (thus the true nature & severity was lost on people who don't do subtle.) My father's pride kept the rest of our family from knowing that he is struggling financially and that my husband and I were struggling in the past. My pride keeps me from correcting assumptions and accusations. My mom's pride keeps her from admitting that her memory has holes. And the list goes on. I don't know how to deal with my part in this as I also don't want to alienate people further. But I am much MUCH better at keeping it from happening in the future by asking for help now and letting people know when things are less than ideal. Of course we can only be responsible for ourselves, so the beast continues to claw, scratch and bite. This makes it a much more difficult beast to overcome. You cannot defeat it, you can only subdue it. So I must find a way to charm it. Hopefully then it will wander off to sleep for a bit.

The point where a night of drinking and dancing with friends to get my equilibrium back is drawing closer. First maybe a rowdy and silly D&D game will get me laughing enough to put these monsters into perspective. Then I can talk about the adults I still picture in diapers.

Hmm... Maybe I just need a new novel to edit.

Getting Wild

I deal with grief and feeling trapped pretty much the same way. With a little controlled wildness. Spend some money frivolously, change my hair, buy new makeup - you know things I can control but know I probably shouldn't be doing right now.

The thing is, I am so very aware of all the pitfalls which come with completely losing control therefore I never let go of the reins. (Ok this one time I did and now I have a 15yo. j/k)

Honestly, it's just not in my programming to go off on a bender or disappear from the world on a moments notice. Sometimes I wish I could, but I have accepted that this is who I am.

YET! Last night I got the shortest haircut I've ever had, (totes adorbs), AND I have peek-a-boo colors of blue, green and purple. Yes, I got wild!
Add that to the boots I bought on Amazon and I am living on the edge. Hahaha

Here's the thing. I know that this is wild and crazy for me, because of the way people around me are reacting. Their reactions are definitely part of the fun. I also know that for some others who don't see me often or know me well it will barely register. Ah well.

My giddiness when I receive a big reaction, gets me wondering...
Is my controlled wildness a little evil? (I mean I definitely like poking some monkey cages, I think the poo is funny and I'm washable.) This is the fun thought exercise, which probably answers my question.

Then I overthink the whole process and wonder is this controlled wildness enough? Or am I just barely keeping the pipes from bursting?

And this is the thought tornado whirling through my brain today.

What do you think about the color?

How do I look?

Perception

Something I learned very young is perception is super important in our lives. It's a powerful motivator with influential and invasive minions which can be detrimental or powerful.

Depending on who you speak to or what the application, the minions of perception are the tools that any self-help guru, marketing professional or sales coach teach. They are the basis of "fake-it til you make-it." These minions are also the key to "professionalism", which includes dress codes -written or not, phone etiquette, vocabulary expectations and diplomacy in the office. We want and need clients to view us a certain way. Public Perception can make or break a company. Much more so now than 10, 20, 30 years ago since we are now required to have a digital world-wide presence.

Again, the way people view us will either propel us forward or leave us hanging.

Family is also a game of perception. It is important to the heads of family how outsiders view the family as a whole because of course that is how they view the head of the household. It is even more important how the extended family views the nuclear family. Weird right? However, this plays out over and over again. There's an underlying competition within families which is won by the parents/guardians who have the most successful and exemplary children. Once again the minions - dress code, circumstantial etiquette, vocabulary expectations and diplomacy within the family are important. The need to maintain the perception of a well-adjusted family sometimes becomes toxic.

Yes, I said sometimes.

The reason behind the "fake-it til you make-it" mantra in business is that it creates productive habits. Keeping a calendar with penciled-in fake appointments creates a habit of maintaining your calendar. Once those appointments are actualized you are already in the habit of consulting your calendar and keeping it up to date. Faking a receptionist until you can hire one, creates an expectation for your clients of going through appropriate channels. Keeping an eye on appropriate fashion and replicating it, (within your means), creates a habit of presenting yourself the best way possible. All of these are equivalent to the productive habits for a healthy family model.

The perception game becomes destructive when its minions are suppressed or when they are let to run rampant. The minions body image, hygiene, self-worth, self-care, competition, etc., when used too often or not often enough create the monsters of Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Sleep Disorders and Addiction. These monsters can take years to tame, however, they are never truly conquered.

How are you using the minions of Perception? How have they been used on you?

Are you fighting the monsters they create? Did you tame these monsters?

It would seem that this is just the opening of this particular rabbit hole.