Lack of Motivation?

There are so many days like today when it seems difficult to really put pen to paper. (Yes I still write longhand.) We usually assume that when work doesn't get done that it is total lack of motivation. Then we beat ourselves up over it and deal with that damn self-esteem monster. The thought effectively instilled in us is that there is something wrong with us when we cannot motivate ourselves to do what we say and believe we really want to do.

But what if it is not lack of motivation? What if it's a necessary time out for the over-stimulated brain? Because as I sat here to type out some thoughts I had last night I realized that I couldn't really put any of those down. Each separate idea was vying and fighting for attention and mixing with all the others. When this happens not one sentence can be written legibly. I would end up with a narrative on the Hippotamus that wore a mat during the raising of children in the middle of a philosophical debate on the nature of rope that played music. Most of you would never think that Monty Python's skits were random again. What a scary thought in and of itself. 

I realize that some of this is clutter and I should try to organize my thoughts a little better. But really, have you seen my room? It is just like any desk I've ever worked at. I know approximately where everything is, so long as no one moves it or adds to it. And damnit if people aren't always giving me more stuff or moving MY stuff. (BTW per George Carlin if it's mine it's STUFF.)

If I truly invited the people around me into my brain I believe they would be overwhelmed and become catatonic. Then I'd have that clutter to deal with as well. 

The good news is, that at this moment I can give myself a pat on the back because I at least got something out. Made more room for those other thoughts and ideas to flutter around and breathe a bit. 

Then of course comes the bad news. Because you know what will happen, right? I will click on Publish, check my email and have ten more thoughts enter my brain and all of those thoughts will start chasing each other causing a totally distracting blur of action. This will wear me out as I try to corral them and I will have no choice but to sit down with someone else's thoughts and dreams for a while as a time out for my own.

I truly AM motivated or I wouldn't have logged onto this account. I truly AM motivated or I wouldn't have bought more refills for my "really cool no one else is allowed to touch it" pen with the last bit of my previous paycheck. I truly AM motivated or I wouldn't have taken notes on the way children have been playing around me for the last couple of weeks. Motivation or the lack thereof is NOT the problem. 

The problem is that I don't have any other way to calm my thoughts down other than giving them a time out. So as most of us as parents struggle with creatively wrangling and effectively redirecting our children's behaviour, I am now struggling to figure out the creative and effective way to wrangle, trap and direct my out of control thoughts.

As a parting note, YES I do hear the tiny violin playing the music for the trials and tribulations of the creative mind. Add a drum and I will dance to that.     :)