For anyone that has known me for ANY length of time it comes as no surprise that I have a tendency to want to shake things up and do things differently. Experimentation is a fun and fabulous thing that can lead to more fun and fabulous things. (I promise!)
Even more than loving the process of experimenting though is the fact that I think things through (wow this goes back to the first post doesn't it?) and I want know others are thinking as well. Honestly, the two most repeated mantras you will hear around my house is "Everything can be improved" AND "The only constant is CHANGE".
Now, I do realize that change just for the sake of change can be counterproductive. I truly do have reasons and a thought process behind my ideas for change. HOWever, just because there's the slightest possibility that you may not get a good result does not mean that regardless of a good reason and valid point for a change to occur you should still keep the status quo because that's how things are.
That being said I will now get to my point and why I am ranting.
I mentioned in my last post that myself and a couple of friends coordinated an event that went pretty well with a bit of a shaky start. One of the shaky starts was being told I couldn't do something. One of the Loudest reasons I given was 'we've never done that'. I will tell you all that I walked away because I was seriously afraid I would get physical. I really rather reason and logic my way through any given obstacle, problem or argument. BUT when the logic you are being given is ridiculously void of any logic, my brain short circuits.
Yes I AM a parent that HATES the phrase "because I said so" (albeit I do realize that it can be a replacement for the answer you've given 20 times already.) I am sorry to inform everyone that I also will NOT accept "because" as an answer to ANY question. I honestly don't care what reason I am given for something, just so long as it has a small amount of thought behind it. Well, that and you actually listen to what I have to say and process it first before formulating that answer. (Yup there are always qualifiers.)
I was tea-kettle screeching steamed. I have points to make, data to back me up as well as knowledge of how things actually work and conversations no one else has had, yet none of these things matter nor will they be heard. All due to the fact that 'we've never done that'. AAARRGH! (Yup, I can throw a hissy fit with the best of 'em.)
Pause for reflection-
Everyone has been in this situation several times in their lives. I know most folks understand the frustration. Your boss has said 'no' to a brilliant idea that will make the company loads of money for hardly any investment because 'we've never done that'. Your parents say no to a creative idea you have 'because we say so'. Add to that the frustration of not actually being heard and BOOM! Insta-Harpy (must add chocolate or alcohol to return to human form.)
So the question for the day is: Since we've all been there before, why would we continue to do this to each other? (Overly logical I know, most days that is my biggest problem.)
Now back to the regularly scheduled rant -
I KNOW that I am an intelligent woman, I KNOW that I do my research and I KNOW that the reasons behind my decisions are sound and well thought out. So when my ideas/requests are dismissed without thought or a real discussion, when my logical and researched findings are stomped on without a solid base of reasoning I tend to take it a bit personally. You have just told me that I am not worth your time/brain power OR even worse you have told me that you don't think I have a brain. For of course I assume that everyone around me has and uses their brains. (Again back to that first rant.)
Thank goodness for the Red-Headed Goddess with the YUMMY ale that came to everyone's rescue, whether they were aware of it or not! Of course we must also give thanks to the Brunette Goddess that knew it was necessary. :)
OH and let's not forget the all important "I told ya so!"
I had someone recently tell me that I couldn't do something. Well, actually that's not entirely true. They said something that was so blatantly wrong I had to do everything in my power to prove to them, in spades, that they were, indeed, mistaken. I got a lot of glee out of it, and it was fun while it lasted. But the truth is, they really didn't mean anything by it, and with time, they will shift to a new understanding and won't even know how it happened (Stealth, see how that works, yeh, I like it too).
ReplyDeleteHere's my response. if they say it can't be done, show them. If they are in a place of power and the decision really isn't yours, don't sweat. Either make it seem like it's their idea, choose a different battle, cry on a shoulder, or (and this is my favorite) smile and nod.
Change is a delicate procedure. And it is really frustrating that you can't just be heard and understood, but unfortunately if you are thinking outside the box and people are inside the box, they can't see the label. It's ok, it just means opening the box, leaving it open for a while, putting a piece of cheese out, then another, and gently coaxing them out. It can be done, but I don't recommend just putting your hand in and pulling them out, you'll get your eyes scratched out. Or am I talking about cats. Hmm.
-Erin