Showing posts with label subconcious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label subconcious. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Getting Wild

I deal with grief and feeling trapped pretty much the same way. With a little controlled wildness. Spend some money frivolously, change my hair, buy new makeup - you know things I can control but know I probably shouldn't be doing right now.

The thing is, I am so very aware of all the pitfalls which come with completely losing control therefore I never let go of the reins. (Ok this one time I did and now I have a 15yo. j/k)

Honestly, it's just not in my programming to go off on a bender or disappear from the world on a moments notice. Sometimes I wish I could, but I have accepted that this is who I am.

YET! Last night I got the shortest haircut I've ever had, (totes adorbs), AND I have peek-a-boo colors of blue, green and purple. Yes, I got wild!
Add that to the boots I bought on Amazon and I am living on the edge. Hahaha

Here's the thing. I know that this is wild and crazy for me, because of the way people around me are reacting. Their reactions are definitely part of the fun. I also know that for some others who don't see me often or know me well it will barely register. Ah well.

My giddiness when I receive a big reaction, gets me wondering...
Is my controlled wildness a little evil? (I mean I definitely like poking some monkey cages, I think the poo is funny and I'm washable.) This is the fun thought exercise, which probably answers my question.

Then I overthink the whole process and wonder is this controlled wildness enough? Or am I just barely keeping the pipes from bursting?

And this is the thought tornado whirling through my brain today.

What do you think about the color?



Friday, January 6, 2017

How do I look?

Perception

Something I learned very young is perception is super important in our lives. It's a powerful motivator with influential and invasive minions which can be detrimental or powerful.

Depending on who you speak to or what the application, the minions of perception are the tools that any self-help guru, marketing professional or sales coach teach. They are the basis of "fake-it til you make-it." These minions are also the key to "professionalism", which includes dress codes -written or not, phone etiquette, vocabulary expectations and diplomacy in the office. We want and need clients to view us a certain way. Public Perception can make or break a company. Much more so now than 10, 20, 30 years ago since we are now required to have a digital world-wide presence.

Again, the way people view us will either propel us forward or leave us hanging.

Family is also a game of perception. It is important to the heads of family how outsiders view the family as a whole because of course that is how they view the head of the household. It is even more important how the extended family views the nuclear family. Weird right? However, this plays out over and over again. There's an underlying competition within families which is won by the parents/guardians who have the most successful and exemplary children. Once again the minions - dress code, circumstantial etiquette, vocabulary expectations and diplomacy within the family are important. The need to maintain the perception of a well-adjusted family sometimes becomes toxic.

Yes, I said sometimes.

The reason behind the "fake-it til you make-it" mantra in business is that it creates productive habits. Keeping a calendar with penciled-in fake appointments creates a habit of maintaining your calendar. Once those appointments are actualized you are already in the habit of consulting your calendar and keeping it up to date. Faking a receptionist until you can hire one, creates an expectation for your clients of going through appropriate channels. Keeping an eye on appropriate fashion and replicating it, (within your means), creates a habit of presenting yourself the best way possible. All of these are equivalent to the productive habits for a healthy family model.

The perception game becomes destructive when its minions are suppressed or when they are let to run rampant. The minions body image, hygiene, self-worth, self-care, competition, etc., when used too often or not often enough create the monsters of Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Sleep Disorders and Addiction. These monsters can take years to tame, however, they are never truly conquered.

How are you using the minions of Perception? How have they been used on you?

Are you fighting the monsters they create? Did you tame these monsters?

It would seem that this is just the opening of this particular rabbit hole.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Didn't see that one coming...

I noticed today that my protagonist's name is the same, (or very similar), as my favorite childhood villain-ess.

Sometimes my thoughts get so churned up with the frantic pace of life that it takes a bit for them to settle and leave clarity behind. Much like sediment in a lake when you stand still after walking in from the edge.

A couple of weeks ago my friends and I were talking about our favorite childhood cartoons. Naturally most of mine were the "boy" type cartoons. Lots of action and violence! Typically the writers had to modify them as to not alienate female viewers. This then gave us girls strong females to associate with. Which probably explains my mother's strange habit of getting me the male sidekicks of the popular girl's dolls. Yuck!

Let's try and forget that. Again.

I was pretty into Thundercats, He-Man, Transformers and okay I will admit it, The Smurfs. Gargamel was fun. There was also this Amazon Jungle super hero chick with a cool necklace/weapon thing. But I digress.

These action filled and sometimes dark animated series gave me much more to chew on. They made great fodder for my wildly overactive imagination. (Ask me about the wooden lion sometime.) The action was a lot of fun, we were always happy that the hero won BUT the villains were awesome. Villains by definition should be strong. This strength is very prominently displayed. Female villains couldn't be buff so they had to be smart, sassy, independent and did I mention smart? This is the most consistent place you will find a truly unique and independent female character.

After many intervening years I cannot remember storylines or most of these character's specialties. I remember most vividly, however, trading stickers and toys so I could have everything with Evil-Lyn. I still want her costume!

Yet after working on this story for a couple of years and talking about these cartoons a couple of weeks ago, TODAY is the day I realize this irony. Today I realized that my nerve-wracked, smart ass, fiercely protective, very smart and very in love Human Female lead has the same name as the villain I loved as a child.

Evelynn is bugging me to stop admiring how my mind works and get back to her story. So back to the notebook.