How do I look?

Perception

Something I learned very young is perception is super important in our lives. It's a powerful motivator with influential and invasive minions which can be detrimental or powerful.

Depending on who you speak to or what the application, the minions of perception are the tools that any self-help guru, marketing professional or sales coach teach. They are the basis of "fake-it til you make-it." These minions are also the key to "professionalism", which includes dress codes -written or not, phone etiquette, vocabulary expectations and diplomacy in the office. We want and need clients to view us a certain way. Public Perception can make or break a company. Much more so now than 10, 20, 30 years ago since we are now required to have a digital world-wide presence.

Again, the way people view us will either propel us forward or leave us hanging.

Family is also a game of perception. It is important to the heads of family how outsiders view the family as a whole because of course that is how they view the head of the household. It is even more important how the extended family views the nuclear family. Weird right? However, this plays out over and over again. There's an underlying competition within families which is won by the parents/guardians who have the most successful and exemplary children. Once again the minions - dress code, circumstantial etiquette, vocabulary expectations and diplomacy within the family are important. The need to maintain the perception of a well-adjusted family sometimes becomes toxic.

Yes, I said sometimes.

The reason behind the "fake-it til you make-it" mantra in business is that it creates productive habits. Keeping a calendar with penciled-in fake appointments creates a habit of maintaining your calendar. Once those appointments are actualized you are already in the habit of consulting your calendar and keeping it up to date. Faking a receptionist until you can hire one, creates an expectation for your clients of going through appropriate channels. Keeping an eye on appropriate fashion and replicating it, (within your means), creates a habit of presenting yourself the best way possible. All of these are equivalent to the productive habits for a healthy family model.

The perception game becomes destructive when its minions are suppressed or when they are let to run rampant. The minions body image, hygiene, self-worth, self-care, competition, etc., when used too often or not often enough create the monsters of Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Sleep Disorders and Addiction. These monsters can take years to tame, however, they are never truly conquered.

How are you using the minions of Perception? How have they been used on you?

Are you fighting the monsters they create? Did you tame these monsters?

It would seem that this is just the opening of this particular rabbit hole.

Estrella War - The Storm

Estrella War was full of fun activities and everyone had a lot of things planned for each day we were there.
Unfortunately for those of us NOT on the battlefield, Saturday proved to be the day that flexibility was challenged.

Literally and Figuratively...

The winds blew! Swirling and Gusting they blew! We witnessed flying canopies, twisting aluminum and frantic members of the Populace running to secure their temporary homes. Stakes were shared, bodyweight used to anchor anything larger than a chair and children were corralled yet left to their own devices.

In short it was Mayhem! Loud and Scary!

I was not feeling well so once the children got a bit too much for my growing headache, I moved into the tent I was sharing with my troupemates.  Those troupemates came inside as well. We were protected from the high winds and began chatting. Noticing that while this medieval style tent rocked a bit, the noise of the wind was less and we were unaware of the further Chaos that was occurring outside. We felt safe and cozy. All was right in our world.

We began a conversation that started with snarkiness, had giggles mixed in (surprising I know), moved on to emotional and ended with a Secret Society. 

Sorry I can't tell you about it.... Yet. (We also have our own personal animal mascots.. shhhh!)

All in all we three grew a little closer and had a great time together. We finished the beer and let Sir Templeton have the empties. We were even kind enough to share snacks with him. He became too overwhelmed and needed to be put back in his basket.

Then T went outside to bring back more beer and witnessed the Destruction.

The modern nylon tents in front of and beside us had been ripped and ruined. Rain was now on its way so the mad dash to get belongings into vehicles was hot and heavy. We were astonished that we heard nothing of the Pandemonium and felt guilty for feeling so content in our "home".

Of course we offered to help. I was turned down as I was honestly not feeling well. The other two gals went out to get lunch into the folks that were working so hard and frantically. Sandwiches were made and handed out. Children were encouraged to stay in the "kitchen" and out of the way. Although the way they chose to entertain themselves with the foodstuffs was totally inappropriate. This drove my friends back into our tent. They helped everyone with sustenance, time to move away from the temptation to strangle young'uns. The rain had arrived and so had more beer. It was time to snuggle under blankets, drink more beer and wait out the Craziness.

We were impressed with the way that most folks dropped everything and helped their neighbors. We were impressed that the Nobility made sure to come around and check on the members of the Populace. We were not impressed with those that just bailed and didn't particpate in the magic that is the Current Middle Ages. That's ok. We learned a lot and saw great things. We also have more evil plans in the making.

Flexibility and a Sense of Humor!

The "survivors" showed these strengths and got the party to celebrate them.

Stardust!

Estrella War - The Slumber Party

This past February was one of our big local SCA events Estrella War. This is the highlight of every year for most of us that play this game.

For the first time I attended this event as a "gypsy". Just a traveling nomad with only clothes to wear for the duration of my stay. In true SCA style I was offered shelter with some friends. My troupe mates actually. I got to curl up on the floor of the tent and rest for a couple of hours between the parties and the work that goes on at this event.

We didn't think anything of this arrangement until one of our Camp mates (Ms. DT) commented that we were having a slumber party and she just knew that the three of us would keep everyone up with our giggling. We of course did not believe her. Furthermore, we insisted that because we would be up until the wee hours dancing around a fire when we got back to camp we would fall into our "beds" and pass out.

Who would have known that the drummers on my first night of War would poop out relatively early and that we would be in that strange state of being tired but unable to stop talking when we got into the tent? Oh wait. Ms. DT that's who! When we realized that she had predicted this state of affairs uncontrollable bouts of giggling ensued. We did TRY to subdue the giggling fits, but that only made things worse. So we did what we could and just tried to keep the giggling too quiet for others to hear.

(I know you have ALL been there. At a friend's house for a sleepover and it's lights out. Everything is funny and you can't let anyone hear the giggling for fear of being separated.)

Truly it ended up being the girls' slumber party. Half asleep talking, giggling and warning each other to be quiet or else Ms. DT was going to have words with us.

As hysterical as that thought was to us at 3am, we were a bit disappointed when only 2 of our Camp mates admitted to hearing the quiet giggles.

Was one of them Ms. DT you ask?

Most assuredly not. She just smiled at us as we relayed our late evening. A smile of the well rested all too knowing person who is not in dire need of caffeine.

We were in DIRE need that morning.

Birthdays...

Today is my youngest sister's birthday! I sent her a birthday wish on Facebook and will call later today. My mother's birthday is in a couple more days. On top of this my son's birthday is a week and a half away. Folks talk about the end of holiday craziness, in our house there is no end. In our house there are only lulls which are more like a rest in the eye of the storm.

It makes me think about celebrations, now having been through the big party season, and how differently each family does things. It also makes me feel a little sad for things that I can't change. Typically "can't" is a dirty word in my house. This time, however, it fits because there is literally nothing I can do to change something that has already happened and I wasn't around for anyway. I can and will do things to give someone a bit of the experience I think they missed out on... wait i'm getting ahead of myself.

I celebrate my birthday. I mean I try to. I like making a big deal about it, granted it would be nice if other people did this for me but again I digress. Birthdays are another reason to celebrate all the different things we have 'holidays' for throughout the year. They are a time to be thankful for getting through another year, sharing time with friends and family. They are a time to show the people around you that you love them and vice versa. They are also mini Mother/Father's Day for us as parents. Why would anyone not want to use the excuse of their birth to get together with friends, eat, drink and make merry?

The answer to that question is, unfortunately, those people who were never taught that the day they were born is a reason to celebrate. I know way too  many people who have not had the pleasure of having their father dress up as a clown (hobo style) and entertain their friends. Way too many people have not had their parents take off on a "birth day date". Way too many people have not had the frustrating joy that is losing yet another game of musical chairs! Birthdays should be full of Singing, Dancing, Playing Games, Eating, Drinking and generally having Way Too Much fun. Plus you should get more gifts than at Christmas because it's all about you! Well that is a wish anyway. It really isn't about the gifts. So let's leave that one alone. All I am saying is that a dinner out and a gift from the 'rentals does not a celebration make.

Again everything comes back down to the way we were taught to think about things. I find it disheartening that quite a number of people feel that birthdays are a countdown to death. Really? You could get hit by a bus today or contract some awful disease that gives you 30 days to live. Then again, you could live way past the drying up and falling apart of your body. There is no actual countdown folks! (Dang soapbox got under me again.. whoops!)

It comes down to me deciding that part of my responsibility as a mother is to teach my child that birthdays are a time for real celebration. Also with that is the lesson that every day is a day to celebrate something. Nothing is guaranteed.

With all this in mind this year it is even more important to make sure that kiddo has a least a little of the over the top celebrating I got. On a much smaller budget. It can be done. Bills can wait, they are ALWAYS there. Right?

But dangit I need to finish the big story and sell some of these smaller ones! Because one of these years I WILL give him the party with the clown, pony rides and bouncy house... even if it's for his 30th. *G*

I had forgotten...

I had an amazingly good weekend. I think I stated that before but I do need to reiterate because there was not just one incident or gift that made the weekend what it was. In having such a good weekend I was reminded of a few things and that made me think of other things that I had forgotten.

I had forgotten that I love to sing. I don't mean along with the radio or just while puttering around type singing. I mean having to hit the right notes, remember where to breathe and also make your lungs and diaphragm support all of this, type of singing. Granted what I got to sing this past Friday was Christmas music. These are songs that I tend to shy away from due to raising my son in a pagan atmosphere. These are also the very songs that I used to sing in every choir and chorus I was a part of while growing up. Surprisingly, I still knew the words to most of them by heart. Also as surprising was that when I opened my mouth to sing my voice remembered what to do. There were notes and syllables pouring out before I could think about it and it was fabulous! This cascade of musicality was rushing forth with no serious thought or effort. To be quite honest I would have loved to continue on and on but of course all good things must come to an end. This good thing restarted later but it was midnight and my family needed to go home. *sigh*

I had also forgotten that I really dig folks with musical talent. Of course, I am surrounded by very talented folks most of the time. We have a host of fantastic percussionists and string players. Most of the time I am not just enjoying their music. I am dancing and being a part of that music. This past Friday I didn't do that, I just stood and listened to a very talented young lady who was having fun tickling the ivories and bringing Mannheim Steamroller's musical stylings to the party. This brought back memories of watching other musicians in high school and college, enjoying not just the sound of the music but the energy that surrounded them as they played. There is definitely a connection between a musician or dancer and the audience. When that connection is completely open and transmitting the experience is almost beyond words. It is transcendent. Sometimes this transcendence is mistaken for something else, hence panties being thrown on stages. But we won't go into that here. *grin*

With the list of forgottens I do need to add another more important then the two above. In fact it was something that now remembered made it possible to enjoy and remember those joys.

I had forgotten what it was like to enjoy my friends' company and participate in a gathering WITHOUT the burden of constantly watching over and/or checking on my child. What a fantastic experience. Now that my child is >this< close to 9, he has proven that he can be left alone with other children AND be trusted not to be overly stupid. (Yes I know what you think but I stand by this word choice.) He's a good kid and really takes to heart what he is told or the instructions he is given. In fact, we have to re-program him sometimes because he takes the messages more literally than they are intended. Now, I will be totally honest and say that I did look for him to check how he was doing twice. In the 5 hours that we were at this party, this would be a record for me. PLUS no one came to me to tell me he was a.) hurt, b.) crying or c.) hurting someone else. This is also a record. I can trust my kid and he's growing up knowing he is earning that trust. It's amazing!

I am sure that there is a lot more that I have forgotten over the years. I mean the stuff I forget within moments due to fibro fog is astounding in and of itself. However, now I know that I have many instances where I will enjoy remembering the things I had forgotten.

Encouragement

 My son and I are going to a medieval re-creation event this weekend. This required getting up and getting a fast but mandatory 'before camping for two days' shower and frantically packing the last few things into the car. This led to getting him to school a few minutes late and still having  to do some last minute shopping. Really, we only needed drinks, bread, salami and snacks. Let's start by saying I forgot the bread and salami. The reason? I got distracted by a well intentioned idea. You know the kind, the ones that always cost you more money.

My son is going to be competing in a tournament at this event. I am pretty excited and I think dad is proud of him for getting out there. Not one of the three of us cares if he wins. It's a refreshing but kind of scary attitude. I hope my son starts caring at some point whether or not he wins. Either way this is what is on my mind as I walk around the store.

Because my husband is not going with us, I decided I needed to get a cheap camera or video recorder. I only spent $30 on a video recorder and was pretty proud of myself for that. I got the snacks, drinks and the antiseptic spray I forgot I needed and continued on my way. Then I began to worry about whether or not the loaner armor was going to make it out to the event. I KNOW that it is usually there. The Youth Marshall is pretty dependable, but... what if. I realize that I am being paranoid but I can't help it. I stop at Play it Again Sports and got a good deal on the equipment. But, there went another $30. I am in trouble now. I totally blew my budget AND this is after I just made my husband help with my fuel costs this past week. Worrying about how to tell him so he will really understand my motivation I begin the drive to the house where I nanny.

The phone is ringing just as I am pulling onto the driveway and it's the hubby. (This is what happens when you start thinking about someone too hard.) I just blurt out how I spent my morning and my funds. I hadn't had the time to choose the right words yet, blunt just had to do.

Now, here is where we get to the whole point of this story and also why I am married to this man. He tells me that he was glad I got the camera since he couldn't come out. Then tells me that our son needed the equipment anyways and he's happy I got a good deal on it. He then floors me with the additional encouragement of wanting to support our child in the things that said child is interested in. This is what he never got growing up. Furthermore, my husband doesn't ever want our son to be resentful that we never had the money for him to pursue his interests.

This boy of ours is so lucky. I am so lucky. We have someone in our lives that truly wants us to be happy. I absolutely love the fact that even when I am chastising myself for acting on impulse, my husband understands exactly what motivated that impulse. More to the point he encourages these good intentions and crazy ideas. He also tells everyone when we joke about my impulses that HE is lucky because even on impulse I am extremely frugal. I know that, unfortunately, it is rare to have this type of unconditional love and encouragement. I know also that I waited  a long time and kissed a bunch of warty slimy frogs to find it.

Now I just need him to stop encouraging me so much in terms of my writing. Talk about putting the pressure on. Hahaha. Yes I am tough to please, but happy nonetheless.

Now off to the Tournament for Baronial Defenders!