Why all the drama over the number of celebrity deaths this year?
Because it hurts.
Yes, we understand death is part of the cycle. Yes, we understand we don't know these folks personally. Yes, we understand. It still hurts. A raw ripping feeling as though pieces of your soul are being shredded with a SPOON.
Very different from the gnawing ache of sudden emptiness when a family member dies. Yet the reason is very similar.
Our families shape the footings for the foundation of our being. Our souls begin to take shape as they mold and guide us. Then our very being becomes tumultuous. We are separate from them, not replicas, we are OUR OWN PERSON! Serious teenage confusion begins the search for more. (And yes this presents in different ways but that is another story.)
Just like any architectural achievement, our personal construction requires RESEARCH. Music, movies, books, comics, magazines, and sometimes theatre are all the water, sand and gravel in the search for ourselves.
When we begin to find the pieces which either fit, or we desperately want to fit, the posters go up, the collections begin, and the soul grows. The soul changes. We now have a foundation ready, we think, to build upon.
Thus begins our individual journey, the adventure of learning about ourselves, the quest to find our tribe, the thingy to find fulfillment. (More posters, different collections, and new pieces.)
It is human nature to subconsciously think that all these people, the guides, the mentors, the inspirations will forever be around. They are a part of us, how could they not be?
The footings won't fail, the foundation won't crumble; however, the blueprints we lovingly bring out on occasion are now not just fading but beginning to rip - fast. We can feel it. We can't stop it.
Soon it will be familiar and we can remember with more fondness than sadness. Right now, we grieve and it's part of the cycle as well.
Showing posts with label talent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label talent. Show all posts
Thursday, December 29, 2016
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Projects, projects and MORE projects...
So this is where we once again talk about Trickster Time... He is getting so much publicity from me, I wish there was a way to bill and collect from this elusive artist.
This is a glimpse into what my life has become and it will only get more insane from here.
The troupe has performances coming up that we are really excited about and can't wait to do. Of course we need to make costumes and refresh ourselves with certain styles of Middle Eastern dance. These shows are fast approaching. As a group we are realizing that just because something is a month away, it does not mean that we have a month to work on it.
When you take into account the time you already have committed to work, children, spouses and other activities the amount of time available to actually do work decreases. Also, the time you need to take to create and sew a costume takes away from the time you can use for rehearsal. This works the other way around as well. On top of all these things you should really try to factor in the fun that Trickster Time will have with you. He likes to work with Nemesis to create problems with the sewing machines or computers you are using to work on costumes and music. Time will also play around with the day that you are working and give you the impression of having 8 hours but the 4 hour project doesn't get finished because you only really had 3 hours to truly work on it.
It makes me tired just thinking about all the things that Time can do to you when you have a deadline. It also wears me out just trying to explain how it all works. Or doesn't as the case may be
Now here's where it gets interesting or insane, take your pick.
I am networking for the troupe as well as trying to costume myself for the BIG show coming up in March. Having agreed to do some other work where I need another costume by the end of this month. Yes, 2 weeks from now. Along with rehearsals and the dance class I am teaching, I am sure I will find the time. (Was that convincing?)
Then there is the multi-level marketing that needs at least some attention. No more than 15 minutes a day really. But somehow that 15 mins seems more like an hour when you try to find it loose and free. A block of 15 free minutes is the Jackalope of my world. Truly, have you ever really seen it?
Add on to this craziness my personal quest to bring more money into my household. I now have 2 commissioned sewing projects. Well 3 if you count the project I was supposed to do during the summer. I need an hour a day to fit those in and have them done before the event they are to be worn at. ACK! (Yes, I realize I asked for this.)
And last but not least is the writing. It's always waiting for me. Like that old friend from college that is happy to hang out with you but you always leave hanging until all your other social obligations are taken care of. I am honestly writing a little something every day. But slow and steady is not the actual pace I want to be at right now. (Impatient? Me?)
Now as I return to planning and costuming I do regret that I am not posting as often as I'd like. Nor am I writing as much as I could. I also have lots of unfinished sections on that multi-level marketing website. But it's okay. I am blaming it all on that trickster Time. Otherwise my 2 hours a day would be enough to get everything done.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
This is a glimpse into what my life has become and it will only get more insane from here.
The troupe has performances coming up that we are really excited about and can't wait to do. Of course we need to make costumes and refresh ourselves with certain styles of Middle Eastern dance. These shows are fast approaching. As a group we are realizing that just because something is a month away, it does not mean that we have a month to work on it.
When you take into account the time you already have committed to work, children, spouses and other activities the amount of time available to actually do work decreases. Also, the time you need to take to create and sew a costume takes away from the time you can use for rehearsal. This works the other way around as well. On top of all these things you should really try to factor in the fun that Trickster Time will have with you. He likes to work with Nemesis to create problems with the sewing machines or computers you are using to work on costumes and music. Time will also play around with the day that you are working and give you the impression of having 8 hours but the 4 hour project doesn't get finished because you only really had 3 hours to truly work on it.
It makes me tired just thinking about all the things that Time can do to you when you have a deadline. It also wears me out just trying to explain how it all works. Or doesn't as the case may be
Now here's where it gets interesting or insane, take your pick.
I am networking for the troupe as well as trying to costume myself for the BIG show coming up in March. Having agreed to do some other work where I need another costume by the end of this month. Yes, 2 weeks from now. Along with rehearsals and the dance class I am teaching, I am sure I will find the time. (Was that convincing?)
Then there is the multi-level marketing that needs at least some attention. No more than 15 minutes a day really. But somehow that 15 mins seems more like an hour when you try to find it loose and free. A block of 15 free minutes is the Jackalope of my world. Truly, have you ever really seen it?
Add on to this craziness my personal quest to bring more money into my household. I now have 2 commissioned sewing projects. Well 3 if you count the project I was supposed to do during the summer. I need an hour a day to fit those in and have them done before the event they are to be worn at. ACK! (Yes, I realize I asked for this.)
And last but not least is the writing. It's always waiting for me. Like that old friend from college that is happy to hang out with you but you always leave hanging until all your other social obligations are taken care of. I am honestly writing a little something every day. But slow and steady is not the actual pace I want to be at right now. (Impatient? Me?)
Now as I return to planning and costuming I do regret that I am not posting as often as I'd like. Nor am I writing as much as I could. I also have lots of unfinished sections on that multi-level marketing website. But it's okay. I am blaming it all on that trickster Time. Otherwise my 2 hours a day would be enough to get everything done.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The magic feels.... a lot like hard work
Honestly!
The magic that will happen as our performance in the late winter doesn't feel so magic filled or awe-inspiring at the moment. Right now what I mostly feel is sore muscles and extreme awkwardness. Of course, once we get things really moving and get those "wow" moments down, no one will believe it. It will come across as genius in simplicity. Exactly what we are aspiring to. It is just a little painful working to get there.
When new folks come out to learn to dance the most common thing I've heard is "I will never look as good as you." My first instinct is to be self depracating and respond that I don't think I look that good. What they mean is that they don't think that they can really learn the moves as they are feeling awkward and clumsy. What I mean is that I still feel awkward and clumsy until I get something new down. I just happen to have a few more moves in my bag right now.
This is giving me something else to think about. Writing. Specifically, my writing.
At the moment it doesn't feel altogether magical. Well at least the act of putting down my thoughts and ideas on a page don't. It feels awkward and cumbersome and I find myself re-arranging a lot of my verbage. The only magic so far is when I can't get a scene out of my mind and feel the need to find some paper. (Yes I do sometimes just take pen to paper.) This has been painful and frustrating. A good deal of work and research goes into what I write and that kind of kills that magical feeling.
While thinking about this I have read notes from my favorite authors and truly understand that new dancers' feeling of being completely and utterly lost. I start wondering about whether or not I can truly get to where I want to go. If it will ever be as easy as it seems with these authors. Will I get over myself and start just writing so uncontrollably that I will have more books to try to get published then I know what to do with? It would be really nice not to have total control of my characters and have them tell me what is going to happen next. At the moment it feels a lot like trying to get information from reluctant children. Slow going with a few AHA! moments.
My two focuses in 2011 will truly be the troupe and my writing. As each of these require creativity and hard work it seems fitting that I should take my lessons from my struggles with both.
(Funny, this is starting to take the form of a resolution, which is something I avoid making.)
Here's a compromise, we'll call this a realization. I am accepting the realization that the magic will come AFTER the hard work. I will have my "wow" moment as I get closer to the meat of the stories I write. The magical feeling will be knowing that I have something to shop and a show that will blow the audience away!
So here's to the magic of hard work. Bippity Boppety Do it already... heh
The magic that will happen as our performance in the late winter doesn't feel so magic filled or awe-inspiring at the moment. Right now what I mostly feel is sore muscles and extreme awkwardness. Of course, once we get things really moving and get those "wow" moments down, no one will believe it. It will come across as genius in simplicity. Exactly what we are aspiring to. It is just a little painful working to get there.
When new folks come out to learn to dance the most common thing I've heard is "I will never look as good as you." My first instinct is to be self depracating and respond that I don't think I look that good. What they mean is that they don't think that they can really learn the moves as they are feeling awkward and clumsy. What I mean is that I still feel awkward and clumsy until I get something new down. I just happen to have a few more moves in my bag right now.
This is giving me something else to think about. Writing. Specifically, my writing.
At the moment it doesn't feel altogether magical. Well at least the act of putting down my thoughts and ideas on a page don't. It feels awkward and cumbersome and I find myself re-arranging a lot of my verbage. The only magic so far is when I can't get a scene out of my mind and feel the need to find some paper. (Yes I do sometimes just take pen to paper.) This has been painful and frustrating. A good deal of work and research goes into what I write and that kind of kills that magical feeling.
While thinking about this I have read notes from my favorite authors and truly understand that new dancers' feeling of being completely and utterly lost. I start wondering about whether or not I can truly get to where I want to go. If it will ever be as easy as it seems with these authors. Will I get over myself and start just writing so uncontrollably that I will have more books to try to get published then I know what to do with? It would be really nice not to have total control of my characters and have them tell me what is going to happen next. At the moment it feels a lot like trying to get information from reluctant children. Slow going with a few AHA! moments.
My two focuses in 2011 will truly be the troupe and my writing. As each of these require creativity and hard work it seems fitting that I should take my lessons from my struggles with both.
(Funny, this is starting to take the form of a resolution, which is something I avoid making.)
Here's a compromise, we'll call this a realization. I am accepting the realization that the magic will come AFTER the hard work. I will have my "wow" moment as I get closer to the meat of the stories I write. The magical feeling will be knowing that I have something to shop and a show that will blow the audience away!
So here's to the magic of hard work. Bippity Boppety Do it already... heh
Monday, December 13, 2010
I had forgotten...
I had an amazingly good weekend. I think I stated that before but I do need to reiterate because there was not just one incident or gift that made the weekend what it was. In having such a good weekend I was reminded of a few things and that made me think of other things that I had forgotten.
I had forgotten that I love to sing. I don't mean along with the radio or just while puttering around type singing. I mean having to hit the right notes, remember where to breathe and also make your lungs and diaphragm support all of this, type of singing. Granted what I got to sing this past Friday was Christmas music. These are songs that I tend to shy away from due to raising my son in a pagan atmosphere. These are also the very songs that I used to sing in every choir and chorus I was a part of while growing up. Surprisingly, I still knew the words to most of them by heart. Also as surprising was that when I opened my mouth to sing my voice remembered what to do. There were notes and syllables pouring out before I could think about it and it was fabulous! This cascade of musicality was rushing forth with no serious thought or effort. To be quite honest I would have loved to continue on and on but of course all good things must come to an end. This good thing restarted later but it was midnight and my family needed to go home. *sigh*
I had also forgotten that I really dig folks with musical talent. Of course, I am surrounded by very talented folks most of the time. We have a host of fantastic percussionists and string players. Most of the time I am not just enjoying their music. I am dancing and being a part of that music. This past Friday I didn't do that, I just stood and listened to a very talented young lady who was having fun tickling the ivories and bringing Mannheim Steamroller's musical stylings to the party. This brought back memories of watching other musicians in high school and college, enjoying not just the sound of the music but the energy that surrounded them as they played. There is definitely a connection between a musician or dancer and the audience. When that connection is completely open and transmitting the experience is almost beyond words. It is transcendent. Sometimes this transcendence is mistaken for something else, hence panties being thrown on stages. But we won't go into that here. *grin*
With the list of forgottens I do need to add another more important then the two above. In fact it was something that now remembered made it possible to enjoy and remember those joys.
I had forgotten what it was like to enjoy my friends' company and participate in a gathering WITHOUT the burden of constantly watching over and/or checking on my child. What a fantastic experience. Now that my child is >this< close to 9, he has proven that he can be left alone with other children AND be trusted not to be overly stupid. (Yes I know what you think but I stand by this word choice.) He's a good kid and really takes to heart what he is told or the instructions he is given. In fact, we have to re-program him sometimes because he takes the messages more literally than they are intended. Now, I will be totally honest and say that I did look for him to check how he was doing twice. In the 5 hours that we were at this party, this would be a record for me. PLUS no one came to me to tell me he was a.) hurt, b.) crying or c.) hurting someone else. This is also a record. I can trust my kid and he's growing up knowing he is earning that trust. It's amazing!
I am sure that there is a lot more that I have forgotten over the years. I mean the stuff I forget within moments due to fibro fog is astounding in and of itself. However, now I know that I have many instances where I will enjoy remembering the things I had forgotten.
I had forgotten that I love to sing. I don't mean along with the radio or just while puttering around type singing. I mean having to hit the right notes, remember where to breathe and also make your lungs and diaphragm support all of this, type of singing. Granted what I got to sing this past Friday was Christmas music. These are songs that I tend to shy away from due to raising my son in a pagan atmosphere. These are also the very songs that I used to sing in every choir and chorus I was a part of while growing up. Surprisingly, I still knew the words to most of them by heart. Also as surprising was that when I opened my mouth to sing my voice remembered what to do. There were notes and syllables pouring out before I could think about it and it was fabulous! This cascade of musicality was rushing forth with no serious thought or effort. To be quite honest I would have loved to continue on and on but of course all good things must come to an end. This good thing restarted later but it was midnight and my family needed to go home. *sigh*
I had also forgotten that I really dig folks with musical talent. Of course, I am surrounded by very talented folks most of the time. We have a host of fantastic percussionists and string players. Most of the time I am not just enjoying their music. I am dancing and being a part of that music. This past Friday I didn't do that, I just stood and listened to a very talented young lady who was having fun tickling the ivories and bringing Mannheim Steamroller's musical stylings to the party. This brought back memories of watching other musicians in high school and college, enjoying not just the sound of the music but the energy that surrounded them as they played. There is definitely a connection between a musician or dancer and the audience. When that connection is completely open and transmitting the experience is almost beyond words. It is transcendent. Sometimes this transcendence is mistaken for something else, hence panties being thrown on stages. But we won't go into that here. *grin*
With the list of forgottens I do need to add another more important then the two above. In fact it was something that now remembered made it possible to enjoy and remember those joys.
I had forgotten what it was like to enjoy my friends' company and participate in a gathering WITHOUT the burden of constantly watching over and/or checking on my child. What a fantastic experience. Now that my child is >this< close to 9, he has proven that he can be left alone with other children AND be trusted not to be overly stupid. (Yes I know what you think but I stand by this word choice.) He's a good kid and really takes to heart what he is told or the instructions he is given. In fact, we have to re-program him sometimes because he takes the messages more literally than they are intended. Now, I will be totally honest and say that I did look for him to check how he was doing twice. In the 5 hours that we were at this party, this would be a record for me. PLUS no one came to me to tell me he was a.) hurt, b.) crying or c.) hurting someone else. This is also a record. I can trust my kid and he's growing up knowing he is earning that trust. It's amazing!
I am sure that there is a lot more that I have forgotten over the years. I mean the stuff I forget within moments due to fibro fog is astounding in and of itself. However, now I know that I have many instances where I will enjoy remembering the things I had forgotten.
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