Why all the drama over the number of celebrity deaths this year?
Because it hurts.
Yes, we understand death is part of the cycle. Yes, we understand we don't know these folks personally. Yes, we understand. It still hurts. A raw ripping feeling as though pieces of your soul are being shredded with a SPOON.
Very different from the gnawing ache of sudden emptiness when a family member dies. Yet the reason is very similar.
Our families shape the footings for the foundation of our being. Our souls begin to take shape as they mold and guide us. Then our very being becomes tumultuous. We are separate from them, not replicas, we are OUR OWN PERSON! Serious teenage confusion begins the search for more. (And yes this presents in different ways but that is another story.)
Just like any architectural achievement, our personal construction requires RESEARCH. Music, movies, books, comics, magazines, and sometimes theatre are all the water, sand and gravel in the search for ourselves.
When we begin to find the pieces which either fit, or we desperately want to fit, the posters go up, the collections begin, and the soul grows. The soul changes. We now have a foundation ready, we think, to build upon.
Thus begins our individual journey, the adventure of learning about ourselves, the quest to find our tribe, the thingy to find fulfillment. (More posters, different collections, and new pieces.)
It is human nature to subconsciously think that all these people, the guides, the mentors, the inspirations will forever be around. They are a part of us, how could they not be?
The footings won't fail, the foundation won't crumble; however, the blueprints we lovingly bring out on occasion are now not just fading but beginning to rip - fast. We can feel it. We can't stop it.
Soon it will be familiar and we can remember with more fondness than sadness. Right now, we grieve and it's part of the cycle as well.
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Thursday, December 29, 2016
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
You would think...
that I am crazy!
Well at least if you saw my schedule lately. I am certainly getting a lot of things accomplished and helping quite a few other people. Sadly, this is leaving my free quiet time much more scarce than usual. This is bad for getting these stories done and off to readers. This is also bad in that I am getting way more ideas for other stories that I shouldn't be worrying about yet!
Last night was the first meeting of our new writing group. I decided it would be a good idea to get together with other writers for support and a little accountability. The three of us that showed had a good time getting to know each other. We certainly had plenty to say and different types of questions to ask each other. What we didn't talk about was the idea of setting a deadline. Or scheduling time to get done what we want to do. I did state, when we were on the topic of cover art, that artistic types tend to not understand deadlines. I told my husband I had to really work on my art. Hmmm... (You see where I am going right?)
This makes me wonder how many other writers have issues with deadlines. Are there authors out there that can realistically set their own deadlines and schedules? Is this the much bigger role that having an agent and/or publisher provides? Because in all the research we have done looking up the pros and cons of self-publishing or working with a publishing house, this one point has not come up yet.
I could probably be over-thinking things a bit, again.
Well back to the poetry that seems to be flowing from my personal angst and disappointment!
Well at least if you saw my schedule lately. I am certainly getting a lot of things accomplished and helping quite a few other people. Sadly, this is leaving my free quiet time much more scarce than usual. This is bad for getting these stories done and off to readers. This is also bad in that I am getting way more ideas for other stories that I shouldn't be worrying about yet!
Last night was the first meeting of our new writing group. I decided it would be a good idea to get together with other writers for support and a little accountability. The three of us that showed had a good time getting to know each other. We certainly had plenty to say and different types of questions to ask each other. What we didn't talk about was the idea of setting a deadline. Or scheduling time to get done what we want to do. I did state, when we were on the topic of cover art, that artistic types tend to not understand deadlines. I told my husband I had to really work on my art. Hmmm... (You see where I am going right?)
This makes me wonder how many other writers have issues with deadlines. Are there authors out there that can realistically set their own deadlines and schedules? Is this the much bigger role that having an agent and/or publisher provides? Because in all the research we have done looking up the pros and cons of self-publishing or working with a publishing house, this one point has not come up yet.
I could probably be over-thinking things a bit, again.
Well back to the poetry that seems to be flowing from my personal angst and disappointment!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The magic feels.... a lot like hard work
Honestly!
The magic that will happen as our performance in the late winter doesn't feel so magic filled or awe-inspiring at the moment. Right now what I mostly feel is sore muscles and extreme awkwardness. Of course, once we get things really moving and get those "wow" moments down, no one will believe it. It will come across as genius in simplicity. Exactly what we are aspiring to. It is just a little painful working to get there.
When new folks come out to learn to dance the most common thing I've heard is "I will never look as good as you." My first instinct is to be self depracating and respond that I don't think I look that good. What they mean is that they don't think that they can really learn the moves as they are feeling awkward and clumsy. What I mean is that I still feel awkward and clumsy until I get something new down. I just happen to have a few more moves in my bag right now.
This is giving me something else to think about. Writing. Specifically, my writing.
At the moment it doesn't feel altogether magical. Well at least the act of putting down my thoughts and ideas on a page don't. It feels awkward and cumbersome and I find myself re-arranging a lot of my verbage. The only magic so far is when I can't get a scene out of my mind and feel the need to find some paper. (Yes I do sometimes just take pen to paper.) This has been painful and frustrating. A good deal of work and research goes into what I write and that kind of kills that magical feeling.
While thinking about this I have read notes from my favorite authors and truly understand that new dancers' feeling of being completely and utterly lost. I start wondering about whether or not I can truly get to where I want to go. If it will ever be as easy as it seems with these authors. Will I get over myself and start just writing so uncontrollably that I will have more books to try to get published then I know what to do with? It would be really nice not to have total control of my characters and have them tell me what is going to happen next. At the moment it feels a lot like trying to get information from reluctant children. Slow going with a few AHA! moments.
My two focuses in 2011 will truly be the troupe and my writing. As each of these require creativity and hard work it seems fitting that I should take my lessons from my struggles with both.
(Funny, this is starting to take the form of a resolution, which is something I avoid making.)
Here's a compromise, we'll call this a realization. I am accepting the realization that the magic will come AFTER the hard work. I will have my "wow" moment as I get closer to the meat of the stories I write. The magical feeling will be knowing that I have something to shop and a show that will blow the audience away!
So here's to the magic of hard work. Bippity Boppety Do it already... heh
The magic that will happen as our performance in the late winter doesn't feel so magic filled or awe-inspiring at the moment. Right now what I mostly feel is sore muscles and extreme awkwardness. Of course, once we get things really moving and get those "wow" moments down, no one will believe it. It will come across as genius in simplicity. Exactly what we are aspiring to. It is just a little painful working to get there.
When new folks come out to learn to dance the most common thing I've heard is "I will never look as good as you." My first instinct is to be self depracating and respond that I don't think I look that good. What they mean is that they don't think that they can really learn the moves as they are feeling awkward and clumsy. What I mean is that I still feel awkward and clumsy until I get something new down. I just happen to have a few more moves in my bag right now.
This is giving me something else to think about. Writing. Specifically, my writing.
At the moment it doesn't feel altogether magical. Well at least the act of putting down my thoughts and ideas on a page don't. It feels awkward and cumbersome and I find myself re-arranging a lot of my verbage. The only magic so far is when I can't get a scene out of my mind and feel the need to find some paper. (Yes I do sometimes just take pen to paper.) This has been painful and frustrating. A good deal of work and research goes into what I write and that kind of kills that magical feeling.
While thinking about this I have read notes from my favorite authors and truly understand that new dancers' feeling of being completely and utterly lost. I start wondering about whether or not I can truly get to where I want to go. If it will ever be as easy as it seems with these authors. Will I get over myself and start just writing so uncontrollably that I will have more books to try to get published then I know what to do with? It would be really nice not to have total control of my characters and have them tell me what is going to happen next. At the moment it feels a lot like trying to get information from reluctant children. Slow going with a few AHA! moments.
My two focuses in 2011 will truly be the troupe and my writing. As each of these require creativity and hard work it seems fitting that I should take my lessons from my struggles with both.
(Funny, this is starting to take the form of a resolution, which is something I avoid making.)
Here's a compromise, we'll call this a realization. I am accepting the realization that the magic will come AFTER the hard work. I will have my "wow" moment as I get closer to the meat of the stories I write. The magical feeling will be knowing that I have something to shop and a show that will blow the audience away!
So here's to the magic of hard work. Bippity Boppety Do it already... heh
Thursday, November 11, 2010
NaNoWriMo... sort of
NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month is an annual self-monitored writing contest. The contest is not about writing the best story. In fact no one else actually reads your novel unless you decide to send it to someone for that purpose. The point of the contest is to write without slowing down to edit or research. Get all your ideas on "paper" and hit at least 50,000 words. A couple of people I know are participating this year as am I.
Admittedly, I haven't been very good about using every available moment to write. I am doing a bit better than I did last year, I blamed the low word count last year to starting 2 weeks into the month. This year, I acknowledge that I have let other things distract me. I plan for time to write and then work on things for the dance troupe OR start plotting ways to make a bit more money. Making ends meet is a HUGE distraction.
Another huge distraction is that buzzing in the back of my head that I could be polishing what I have already written to submit to agents. This of course runs back around to that making money thing. Really, if I had money I could just write. The time would be there for research and editing as well. Then the daydreaming begins.
One of my writing partners and I constantly joke about winning the lottery so we can become wealthy enough to write. Being a professional student would be nice too, but really that would defeat the purpose which is having time to write without worrying about the dreaded Bill Monster. We understand that this joking is a way of blowing off steam. The daydream to relieve stress. Last week, however, I almost stepped over the line.
I was surrounded by advertising for that week's Powerball. At that point it was up to $123 million and I was counting change out to put fuel in my truck. I was SO close to using some of that change to buy a Powerball ticket. I was calculating what winning that money would actually mean. (The math will be wrong, it's not my forte.) About 50% would be taken for taxes which would leave me with $61.5 million. Paid out over 20 years there would be a yearly stipend of about $3 million. So the first year I could pay off student loans, personal loans, medical debt and buy the house completely from my in-laws. We'd also be able to buy a larger home and have newer vehicles. My husband would still have to work that year. BUT we'd be comfy. This all went through my head in the 2-3 minutes that I had to wait for an available cashier.
What stopped me from buying a ticket and trying? I would be cheating myself out of 24 miles of driving. That is 1/3 of the mileage for my day. Total reality check. I had to be able to get to work and back home that day, regardless of whether or not my $3 would win me anything in the future. This was too big of a gamble for me on this day.
Where does this leave me then? And what does this have to do with NaNoWriMo?
It leaves me realizing that I need to continue to do what I can to scrimp and save. I need to remind myself that the course I am on will get me to where I want to go. I need to work on Patience. And mostly I need to remember that when I am feeling overwhelmed this blog is here for me to empty the clutter so I can hear my character's voices more clearly.
With that in mind I go back to writing a bit more on the slightly researched and not edited novel that I WILL finish on November 30th!
Admittedly, I haven't been very good about using every available moment to write. I am doing a bit better than I did last year, I blamed the low word count last year to starting 2 weeks into the month. This year, I acknowledge that I have let other things distract me. I plan for time to write and then work on things for the dance troupe OR start plotting ways to make a bit more money. Making ends meet is a HUGE distraction.
Another huge distraction is that buzzing in the back of my head that I could be polishing what I have already written to submit to agents. This of course runs back around to that making money thing. Really, if I had money I could just write. The time would be there for research and editing as well. Then the daydreaming begins.
One of my writing partners and I constantly joke about winning the lottery so we can become wealthy enough to write. Being a professional student would be nice too, but really that would defeat the purpose which is having time to write without worrying about the dreaded Bill Monster. We understand that this joking is a way of blowing off steam. The daydream to relieve stress. Last week, however, I almost stepped over the line.
I was surrounded by advertising for that week's Powerball. At that point it was up to $123 million and I was counting change out to put fuel in my truck. I was SO close to using some of that change to buy a Powerball ticket. I was calculating what winning that money would actually mean. (The math will be wrong, it's not my forte.) About 50% would be taken for taxes which would leave me with $61.5 million. Paid out over 20 years there would be a yearly stipend of about $3 million. So the first year I could pay off student loans, personal loans, medical debt and buy the house completely from my in-laws. We'd also be able to buy a larger home and have newer vehicles. My husband would still have to work that year. BUT we'd be comfy. This all went through my head in the 2-3 minutes that I had to wait for an available cashier.
What stopped me from buying a ticket and trying? I would be cheating myself out of 24 miles of driving. That is 1/3 of the mileage for my day. Total reality check. I had to be able to get to work and back home that day, regardless of whether or not my $3 would win me anything in the future. This was too big of a gamble for me on this day.
Where does this leave me then? And what does this have to do with NaNoWriMo?
It leaves me realizing that I need to continue to do what I can to scrimp and save. I need to remind myself that the course I am on will get me to where I want to go. I need to work on Patience. And mostly I need to remember that when I am feeling overwhelmed this blog is here for me to empty the clutter so I can hear my character's voices more clearly.
With that in mind I go back to writing a bit more on the slightly researched and not edited novel that I WILL finish on November 30th!
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