The Sum of Our Parts

Why all the drama over the number of celebrity deaths this year?

Because it hurts.

Yes, we understand death is part of the cycle. Yes, we understand we don't know these folks personally. Yes, we understand. It still hurts. A raw ripping feeling as though pieces of your soul are being shredded with a SPOON.

Very different from the gnawing ache of sudden emptiness when a family member dies. Yet the reason is very similar.

Our families shape the footings for the foundation of our being. Our souls begin to take shape as they mold and guide us. Then our very being becomes tumultuous. We are separate from them, not replicas, we are OUR OWN PERSON! Serious teenage confusion begins the search for more. (And yes this presents in different ways but that is another story.)

Just like any architectural achievement, our personal construction requires RESEARCH. Music, movies, books, comics, magazines, and sometimes theatre are all the water, sand and gravel in the search for ourselves.

When we begin to find the pieces which either fit, or we desperately want to fit, the posters go up, the collections begin, and the soul grows. The soul changes. We now have a foundation ready, we think, to build upon.

Thus begins our individual journey, the adventure of learning about ourselves, the quest to find our tribe, the thingy to find fulfillment. (More posters, different collections, and new pieces.)

It is human nature to subconsciously think that all these people, the guides, the mentors, the inspirations will forever be around. They are a part of us, how could they not be?

The footings won't fail, the foundation won't crumble; however, the blueprints we lovingly bring out on occasion are now not just fading but beginning to rip - fast. We can feel it. We can't stop it. 

Soon it will be familiar and we can remember with more fondness than sadness. Right now, we grieve and it's part of the cycle as well. 

The magic feels.... a lot like hard work

Honestly!

The magic that will happen as our performance in the late winter doesn't feel so magic filled or awe-inspiring at the moment. Right now what I mostly feel is sore muscles and extreme awkwardness. Of course, once we get things really moving and get those "wow" moments down, no one will believe it. It will come across as genius in simplicity. Exactly what we are aspiring to. It is just a little painful working to get there.

When new folks come out to learn to dance the most common thing I've heard is "I will never look as good as you." My first instinct is to be self depracating and respond that I don't think I look that good. What they mean is that they don't think that they can really learn the moves as they are feeling awkward and clumsy. What I mean is that I still feel awkward and clumsy until I get something new down. I just happen to have a few more moves in my bag right now.

This is giving me something else to think about. Writing. Specifically, my writing.

At the moment it doesn't feel altogether magical. Well at least the act of putting down my thoughts and ideas on a page don't. It feels awkward and cumbersome and I find myself re-arranging a lot of my verbage. The only magic so far is when I can't get a scene out of my mind and feel the need to find some paper. (Yes I do sometimes just take pen to paper.) This has been painful and frustrating. A good deal of work and research goes into what I write and that kind of kills that magical feeling.

While thinking about this I have read notes from my favorite authors and truly understand that new dancers' feeling of being completely and utterly lost. I start wondering about whether or not I can truly get to where I want to go. If it will ever be as easy as it seems with these authors. Will I get over myself and start just writing so uncontrollably that I will have more books to try to get published then I know what to do with? It would be really nice not to have total control of my characters and have them tell me what is going to happen next. At the moment it feels a lot like trying to get information from reluctant children.  Slow going with a few AHA! moments.

My two focuses in 2011 will truly be the troupe and my writing. As each of these require creativity and hard work it seems fitting that I should take my lessons from my struggles with both.

(Funny, this is starting to take the form of a resolution, which is something I avoid making.)

Here's a compromise, we'll call this a realization. I am accepting the realization that the magic will come AFTER the hard work. I will have my "wow" moment as I get closer to the meat of the stories I write. The magical feeling will be knowing that I have something to shop and a show that will blow the audience away!

So here's to the magic of hard work. Bippity Boppety Do it already... heh

Speaking of Time

It has been way, way too long since my last post. I looked back wondering what the heck happened and why so much time flew by. That Trickster Time did it to me again! I am telling you he is in for it now!

As I take my time and start to sort out the mess my life became I realize that I do have quite a bit to share. Once again I will have a short series. Because once again I got in over my head and have now resurfaced to discover that while most of what I needed to do got accomplished, there is always much more to do.

Our local ReCreation group has an annual event whose theme is basically a Barroom Brawl. It's great family fun! I volunteered, with three of my friends, to coordinate this event. At the end I must say that I learned a lot. One of the things I learned was that I still have no clue what I am doing most of the time. Another thing I learned is that I don't effectively communicate with men anymore. It is a skill I used to have and apparently have lost. Darn the fact that I actually have fabulous female friends nowadays! I also learned that folks in general have a really difficult time with change. I mean really just because something is always done one way does NOT mean that this is a good argument against doing it another way. Seriously folks. It's called progress. However, I also learned, most importantly, that I am surrounded by some pretty awesome people.

Mind you that while trying to coordinate this event I was also trying to help a friend move, failed in that by the way, trying to put together a lesson plan for a poetry section to teach at my son's school, got sick so had to reschedule that, write up a flyer and send in a contract for the dance class I want to teach come January (so close with that one), tried to do the NaNoWriMo contest, yeah so did not even get close and of course be the Nanny and Mommy that is always my job. Wife and Animal caregiver have to fit in there as well. Oh and herald, friend, troupe performance coordinator and general information finder. Yes I am crazy, busy and can't find my own behind wi.... well anyway it's a bit mad around here. I have also had a cold or more than one that have had me unable to breathe or sleep well for the last three weeks. I forgot to take my Vitamin D. Whoops!

Looking at the list my feeling is that I succeeded in one of my projects but failed in the rest. Yes this is how we learn and what I have learned is that I took on way too much at once. What do I do about that? I can't not do the things I love and that interest me. So I need to fix this somehow.

At the moment I have convinced myself that I need to take on only two projects per week. This week is getting my contract to whom it needs to go to AND try to coordinate a date to teach that Poetry class. I have help coordinating the next Troupe Performance so that one doesn't really count. Maybe I don't need NaNo to try to do something of the scale.... maybe I can do it on my own in an off month like say..... well I will get back to you on that because I can't think of a non-busy month off the top of my head. I know there is at least one!

Now back to the Nanny gig and later the Mommy one while I try to wrangle my life into some semblance of order.

Think!

A friend posted a link on a social network and got a lot of varied responses to it. Why? Because it had to do with religion and government. Mind you, I love healthy thought provoking debates. What I don't like is someone that cannot see the forest for the big bible thumping tree in front of him that he was told to watch no matter what.
I guess you can say this really got under my skin. But in all fairness I replied without being a showoff (since my field of study has been history and political science) and just posted something I thought was common sense.
In return I get "I remember reading that this [unrelated thing about our government] came from [this passage in the bible]". *

Are you kidding me???

Now before you get too offended let me explain. That way you know why you're offended. :)

I have NO problem with someone quoting their brand of scripture when explaining something to do with that religion. Great resource for that topic. Honest! The huge thing that gets my hackles up is making a statement that assumes that this is the first source for an idea, that this is the end all be all of an argument AND when the statement is about something OTHER than the issue that was being debated. No, I was not on debate team. No, I haven't gone to law school yet. I just think about what I want to say, find supporting data (not just one source), and make sure that I stay on topic when I want to debate someone's idea. Isn't that the fair and intelligent way to really argue/debate/think about any issue?

It was pointed out to me that I assume that people in general think before they speak or type. To this I have to say, of course I do. I have to assume that the people around me have a brain and use it. Otherwise I wouldn't leave my house. Which means I wouldn't have a family or the wonderful friends I am blessed with.

So yes I want to continue to assume that people in general paid attention in history class. I want to assume that they know that there were other religions and societies that worked well in the past. I want to assume that people remember that all the religious texts that are out were written by MERE MORTALS who have and will mesh what was going on in their society with whatever visions or visitations they may have had. I want to assume that people do know that some of these texts were written specifically for a government to have a reason to govern how they govern. And good grief I really want to assume that people know that EVERYTHING is read/interpreted differently by different people because of their own sphere of experience.

I know that most everything we know comes from texts. I also know that there was oral history before that. And as my very good friend pointed out, people haven't changed much so if we are doing it now that means that our ancestors probably did the same things. The only thing that has changed is how we do things due to the current technology. Do I expect others to know this? Well maybe not to the letter, but at least be open to the fact that you may not know it. Do I know everything? Oh Goddess NO! But I admit what I don't know, I research and what I half remember I look up and I try my best to listen to what others have to say.

So you see the actual topic, the oppositional view or the ideas themselves didn't aggravate me. The lack of actual thought and the poor presentation is what ultimately bugged the hell out of me.

So now I will have some more coffee, find some chocolate and try to lose myself in a fantasy where I can make this pet peeve into something fun and ironic.

*(I edited the actual topic because I don't actually want to debate this particular idea here. It isn't the point.)