Asking for Help

Yes this is an ongoing issue for me and a few of my friends. We are brought up in a society where the biggest lesson given is that a smart, successful person is self-sufficient. I am not going to argue whether or not this is true. I just want to clarify and then think "out loud".

It has taken me years to learn that it is ok to ask for help. Yet still when something major happens, like not having a vehicle for a week, I forget that I have friends that will drive all the way to BFE and pick me up. I have gotten so used to having my own transportation that figuring out what to do without it was frustrating. Equally frustrating was getting my own lecture back about asking for help.

I believe that a big part of friendship and family for that matter is helping each other out. The whole "village" mentality should not stop at just raising a child. Our friends and family are the village that should support and encourage us in all aspects of our lives. These are the people that are there when you need them just about every time you need them. HOWEVER they can't know when they are needed if we DON'T tell them.

So why didn't I ask for help when my car was "in the shop". (My husband is a mechanic.) I honestly do not know. Maybe it was that little voice in the back of my head taunting me with being a failure because I couldn't get my son and I where we needed to go. Maybe it was that I feel like I live so far away from anyone I could ask for a ride. Maybe it is that feeling I have sometimes that I am the only one that does "dumb" things like lend people my car. (We had a couple seize the engine of the vehicle we lent them.) Or maybe this was too much stress for my brain to handle so it ran away.

Whatever the reason I felt stuck and frustrated for a couple of days before I sat in a friend's car getting the lecture. That friend gave me a ride to things I wanted to do as well as the things I needed to do. After that I was lent a car that doesn't get much use due to the fact that it's owner telecommutes. (Have I mentioned I have awesome friends?)

By the following week, when I had my 4runner back, I was feeling very connected to my village. I was impressed by the fact that my high standards are there for a reason. I was also given a lot of crap for not asking for help in the first place by several people. Which I duly deserved.

The fear and anxiety of what I will do when this vehicle finally gives up is mostly gone. I love my 4runner. It's just old and tired and I understand it's trying to give me fair warning. I have a village full of support and love, or if you'd rather free rides and under used cars.

Think!

A friend posted a link on a social network and got a lot of varied responses to it. Why? Because it had to do with religion and government. Mind you, I love healthy thought provoking debates. What I don't like is someone that cannot see the forest for the big bible thumping tree in front of him that he was told to watch no matter what.
I guess you can say this really got under my skin. But in all fairness I replied without being a showoff (since my field of study has been history and political science) and just posted something I thought was common sense.
In return I get "I remember reading that this [unrelated thing about our government] came from [this passage in the bible]". *

Are you kidding me???

Now before you get too offended let me explain. That way you know why you're offended. :)

I have NO problem with someone quoting their brand of scripture when explaining something to do with that religion. Great resource for that topic. Honest! The huge thing that gets my hackles up is making a statement that assumes that this is the first source for an idea, that this is the end all be all of an argument AND when the statement is about something OTHER than the issue that was being debated. No, I was not on debate team. No, I haven't gone to law school yet. I just think about what I want to say, find supporting data (not just one source), and make sure that I stay on topic when I want to debate someone's idea. Isn't that the fair and intelligent way to really argue/debate/think about any issue?

It was pointed out to me that I assume that people in general think before they speak or type. To this I have to say, of course I do. I have to assume that the people around me have a brain and use it. Otherwise I wouldn't leave my house. Which means I wouldn't have a family or the wonderful friends I am blessed with.

So yes I want to continue to assume that people in general paid attention in history class. I want to assume that they know that there were other religions and societies that worked well in the past. I want to assume that people remember that all the religious texts that are out were written by MERE MORTALS who have and will mesh what was going on in their society with whatever visions or visitations they may have had. I want to assume that people do know that some of these texts were written specifically for a government to have a reason to govern how they govern. And good grief I really want to assume that people know that EVERYTHING is read/interpreted differently by different people because of their own sphere of experience.

I know that most everything we know comes from texts. I also know that there was oral history before that. And as my very good friend pointed out, people haven't changed much so if we are doing it now that means that our ancestors probably did the same things. The only thing that has changed is how we do things due to the current technology. Do I expect others to know this? Well maybe not to the letter, but at least be open to the fact that you may not know it. Do I know everything? Oh Goddess NO! But I admit what I don't know, I research and what I half remember I look up and I try my best to listen to what others have to say.

So you see the actual topic, the oppositional view or the ideas themselves didn't aggravate me. The lack of actual thought and the poor presentation is what ultimately bugged the hell out of me.

So now I will have some more coffee, find some chocolate and try to lose myself in a fantasy where I can make this pet peeve into something fun and ironic.

*(I edited the actual topic because I don't actually want to debate this particular idea here. It isn't the point.)