I have other posts written in the series I promised which will come out soon.. but Chaos and Nemesis got me again! Thereby keeping me doing other things than the scheduled writing. Those demons love this playground. It must be the abundance of evil plans and accomplishments.
I have defeated them, for the time being, and explained I have no time for their shenanigans. Yet I know that they will be back regardless.
This business with sending Gremlins into my vehicle was extremely aggravating BUT I will thank the demi-gods for the lesson learned by someone else.
Yes it's true. I was used! The incident was not a game played with me but through me. Sheesh. I am sure that it was necessary, as my anxiety and tears prompted the necessary change. Even further the change is also making other realizations sink in. I will benefit from this breakthrough in the long run. Once things calm down a bit more. For that I am grateful.
And Yet....
I still feel a bit violated. Even when the end result is positive (ish) and more growth is on its way... I can't shake the icky feeling of being the pot in which this stew was mixed. I will get over it I am sure. Especially when the trips to the fuel pump are further apart. The children being seated further apart will help as well.
Right now... I just need another shower.
Showing posts with label car_trouble. Show all posts
Showing posts with label car_trouble. Show all posts
Friday, March 18, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Asking for Help
Yes this is an ongoing issue for me and a few of my friends. We are brought up in a society where the biggest lesson given is that a smart, successful person is self-sufficient. I am not going to argue whether or not this is true. I just want to clarify and then think "out loud".
It has taken me years to learn that it is ok to ask for help. Yet still when something major happens, like not having a vehicle for a week, I forget that I have friends that will drive all the way to BFE and pick me up. I have gotten so used to having my own transportation that figuring out what to do without it was frustrating. Equally frustrating was getting my own lecture back about asking for help.
I believe that a big part of friendship and family for that matter is helping each other out. The whole "village" mentality should not stop at just raising a child. Our friends and family are the village that should support and encourage us in all aspects of our lives. These are the people that are there when you need them just about every time you need them. HOWEVER they can't know when they are needed if we DON'T tell them.
So why didn't I ask for help when my car was "in the shop". (My husband is a mechanic.) I honestly do not know. Maybe it was that little voice in the back of my head taunting me with being a failure because I couldn't get my son and I where we needed to go. Maybe it was that I feel like I live so far away from anyone I could ask for a ride. Maybe it is that feeling I have sometimes that I am the only one that does "dumb" things like lend people my car. (We had a couple seize the engine of the vehicle we lent them.) Or maybe this was too much stress for my brain to handle so it ran away.
Whatever the reason I felt stuck and frustrated for a couple of days before I sat in a friend's car getting the lecture. That friend gave me a ride to things I wanted to do as well as the things I needed to do. After that I was lent a car that doesn't get much use due to the fact that it's owner telecommutes. (Have I mentioned I have awesome friends?)
By the following week, when I had my 4runner back, I was feeling very connected to my village. I was impressed by the fact that my high standards are there for a reason. I was also given a lot of crap for not asking for help in the first place by several people. Which I duly deserved.
The fear and anxiety of what I will do when this vehicle finally gives up is mostly gone. I love my 4runner. It's just old and tired and I understand it's trying to give me fair warning. I have a village full of support and love, or if you'd rather free rides and under used cars.
It has taken me years to learn that it is ok to ask for help. Yet still when something major happens, like not having a vehicle for a week, I forget that I have friends that will drive all the way to BFE and pick me up. I have gotten so used to having my own transportation that figuring out what to do without it was frustrating. Equally frustrating was getting my own lecture back about asking for help.
I believe that a big part of friendship and family for that matter is helping each other out. The whole "village" mentality should not stop at just raising a child. Our friends and family are the village that should support and encourage us in all aspects of our lives. These are the people that are there when you need them just about every time you need them. HOWEVER they can't know when they are needed if we DON'T tell them.
So why didn't I ask for help when my car was "in the shop". (My husband is a mechanic.) I honestly do not know. Maybe it was that little voice in the back of my head taunting me with being a failure because I couldn't get my son and I where we needed to go. Maybe it was that I feel like I live so far away from anyone I could ask for a ride. Maybe it is that feeling I have sometimes that I am the only one that does "dumb" things like lend people my car. (We had a couple seize the engine of the vehicle we lent them.) Or maybe this was too much stress for my brain to handle so it ran away.
Whatever the reason I felt stuck and frustrated for a couple of days before I sat in a friend's car getting the lecture. That friend gave me a ride to things I wanted to do as well as the things I needed to do. After that I was lent a car that doesn't get much use due to the fact that it's owner telecommutes. (Have I mentioned I have awesome friends?)
By the following week, when I had my 4runner back, I was feeling very connected to my village. I was impressed by the fact that my high standards are there for a reason. I was also given a lot of crap for not asking for help in the first place by several people. Which I duly deserved.
The fear and anxiety of what I will do when this vehicle finally gives up is mostly gone. I love my 4runner. It's just old and tired and I understand it's trying to give me fair warning. I have a village full of support and love, or if you'd rather free rides and under used cars.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Nemesis and Chaos strike again!
I bet you all thought that Trickster Time was my nemesis. This, however, is not true. Life has had so many bumps, traps and holes for me that I believe that Nemesis and Chaos are a tag team that dog my every crossroad. I am just not sure how I should take this.
Most religious and spiritual paths believe that trials and tribulations are necessary to get us where we need to be. That these obstacles will help shape a person's spirit and personality.
Personally, I think that there may be some intent, but I also believe that Chaos just likes getting into mischief with his good buddy Nemesis.
Right now I've had a series of these 'character building' events happen. Up to and including my vehicle being out of commission. This is the most severe of all the obstacles as this is how I get to and from work as well as get errands done for the family. One of those errands is paying the bills. Another is picking up the gifts for this holiday. Not usually a procrastinator with gift buying, I did need to wait until after payday this time around. Oh! We need to add cashing that check to this list of errands. I sure am envying the snow birds and their golf carts right now.
Chaos of course not to be undone by Nemesis' sly work with the 4runner decided that the troupe performance this weekend needed more excitement. Two dancers fall ill, that was half the show, and the organizer didn't organize. With only two dancers to do a four dancer piece and then a third joining in after not even hearing the music until 2 hours before the performance we were already nervous. The addition of the set list not being with the master cd for the show AND the gal with the set list being 25 minutes late. Woo Hoo! Chaos was having a grand time. We did show Chaos that while he could mock and make it difficult he did not win completely. We went on and while we didn't knock it out of the park we performed well. And really if you think about it we had the coolest music. Christmas Carols done with drums and an Oud!
Out of this I have learned that I have at least one more friend that I can count on in times of crisis. It is also making the fire under me burn a little hotter for getting some query letters out soon. Which means I need to spend more time writing in order to have something to shop.
And this is when Time steps in for a little mischief of his own. Projects that should only take a few minutes take hours. Because, of course, Time is not working alone. Nemesis made sure that my printer ink cartridges were clogged so that Time could chuckle whilst I spent almost two hours hitting deep clean and nozzle check. After all this time was spent, Nemesis was in for a treat as the cartridges became unclogged the ink was showing close to empty. Therefore a quick print project, (the document was already previously written and saved), turned into a long waste of my time. The boys got their kicks alright.
Here I sit once again the butt of their jokes, a piece (I am never a pawn) in the game that they like to play. Where will we go next and what ultimately is the purpose?
In my opinion it is just Life's way of giving me true competition. Mortals are just too easy to overwhelm.
Most religious and spiritual paths believe that trials and tribulations are necessary to get us where we need to be. That these obstacles will help shape a person's spirit and personality.
Personally, I think that there may be some intent, but I also believe that Chaos just likes getting into mischief with his good buddy Nemesis.
Right now I've had a series of these 'character building' events happen. Up to and including my vehicle being out of commission. This is the most severe of all the obstacles as this is how I get to and from work as well as get errands done for the family. One of those errands is paying the bills. Another is picking up the gifts for this holiday. Not usually a procrastinator with gift buying, I did need to wait until after payday this time around. Oh! We need to add cashing that check to this list of errands. I sure am envying the snow birds and their golf carts right now.
Chaos of course not to be undone by Nemesis' sly work with the 4runner decided that the troupe performance this weekend needed more excitement. Two dancers fall ill, that was half the show, and the organizer didn't organize. With only two dancers to do a four dancer piece and then a third joining in after not even hearing the music until 2 hours before the performance we were already nervous. The addition of the set list not being with the master cd for the show AND the gal with the set list being 25 minutes late. Woo Hoo! Chaos was having a grand time. We did show Chaos that while he could mock and make it difficult he did not win completely. We went on and while we didn't knock it out of the park we performed well. And really if you think about it we had the coolest music. Christmas Carols done with drums and an Oud!
Out of this I have learned that I have at least one more friend that I can count on in times of crisis. It is also making the fire under me burn a little hotter for getting some query letters out soon. Which means I need to spend more time writing in order to have something to shop.
And this is when Time steps in for a little mischief of his own. Projects that should only take a few minutes take hours. Because, of course, Time is not working alone. Nemesis made sure that my printer ink cartridges were clogged so that Time could chuckle whilst I spent almost two hours hitting deep clean and nozzle check. After all this time was spent, Nemesis was in for a treat as the cartridges became unclogged the ink was showing close to empty. Therefore a quick print project, (the document was already previously written and saved), turned into a long waste of my time. The boys got their kicks alright.
Here I sit once again the butt of their jokes, a piece (I am never a pawn) in the game that they like to play. Where will we go next and what ultimately is the purpose?
In my opinion it is just Life's way of giving me true competition. Mortals are just too easy to overwhelm.
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